Sunday, February 28, 2010

I'm in fucking oregon
what the hell?

there are blossoms in february
where am I?

I'm outside smoking

tangible manifestation
of my response to what I'm learning

this shit doesn't taste good

like a vegetarian who denies that meat is appeasing

this cigarette tastes like escape

like I'm running away from the social webs of western norms for individual interaction

what does it mean to be an individual in a society where who you are, what you want, what you consume and want and desire and pursue for yourself is dictated by marketing, by a small minority of individuals who possess the wealth and capability to determine for you the answers to these existential dilemmas

is our conception of who we are even close to reality?
or have we accepted the options presented to us for what that means? to be something?

why must we be something? Where does that desire come from?

the smoke drifts away from my lips

like my will

after 5 shots of tequila I've reached a closer version of myself

do we ever really change as a person?

or just more fully become the authentic version of ourself?

to respond to the internal tension brewing between enlightenment and action

we know its hard and our will is limited

what does it mean to be in relationships?

with friends, romantic partners, family, etc.?

why do we feel close to some individuals over others?
do we truly connect with some genetic and personal manifestation of humanity over another?
OR just fail to acknowledge the forces determining the traits that make me despise and disparage you?

Are you and I really that different?
OR are we captured in a gulf of misunderstanding of the factors (nature and nurture) forcing that divergence?

I'm drunk...and confused.

Or maybe just one step closer to reality.